I’m trying to get (a little more) organized. But it’s not working out very well.
I use a program with my mail reader that lets me tag individual messages. I tag email messages with Projects and Keywords and Due Dates and Alerts. I can sort messages into folders so I know what’s due today, tomorrow, and next week. Problem is, it doesn’t help much. I’ve got a bunch of past due actions for emails and I rarely look at what’s coming up because I’m too busy trying (and usually failing) to get done what’s due today.
I use a task manager app which syncs my laptop, desktop, and phone. I can see what I have to do today while sitting on the toilet. Problem is, it doesn’t help much. I add tasks and due dates but I ignore some of them.
Phone calls are the worst. I hate phone calls. Most of the time I’ll let my phone go to voice mail so I don’t have to talk to anyone. In fact, I owe a return call to a friend from Friday early afternoon and it’s early Sunday morning. And I know what it’s about and it’s fairly urgent! I just don’t want to talk.
I know I should eat better and less. For lunch yesterday I had left over ribs and backed potato. I took 2 ribs and about 1/3 of a freakin’ humongous potato. Then I go back for seconds. I tell my daughter I’m getting just one more rib but I come back with 2 more ribs and another 1/3 of the freakin’ humongous potato. Then I am disgusted with myself when I look in the mirror and watch my belt shrinking past the first hole.
I know I should get to the gym. I even bought some knew clothes and promised myself I’d start going when they arrived. I’ve been to the gym once in the last week. It’s so much work to get dressed and get to the gym and then I need to take a shower after which is even more work. It would be so much easier if I had an exercise machine in the house. Oh, wait. I do!
I tell myself I’m just going to watch one episode of “The Unit” on TV. But I end up watching two, then three, then four. All the while I’m watching the clock and realizing that the day is slipping by and all I’ve done is eat 4 ribs and 2/3 of a freakin’ humongous potato.
I know I shouldn’t drink so much. I know that I feel better when I don’t drink. But I’m about to go refill my glass with bourbon.
There’s a changed perception of time with depression which I’ve talked about and that has something to do with this. And there’s a physical component to my lack of motivation. But I can’t wait for things to get better. I can’t wait for my depression to go away. I need coping strategies now! I don’t feel that they are sufficient, but here’s what I’m doing to cope:
- I’m telling people that I need to conserve my energy so I’m not taking on new responsibilities.
- I’m telling people to remind me of things when I’m not getting them done. I really don’t mind. And I really don’t mind but few people are doing this.
- I’m trying to be gentle with myself and not critical or nasty when I don’t do things. Yes, the laundry has piled up again and the kitchen needs cleaning and I forgot to water the plants. But that’s ok. I’ll get to all these tasks (hopefully before the plants die and we get fruit flies and I run out of clean t-shirts).
- I’m still keeping to-do lists. Even though it doesn’t seem to help much, I still tag my email messages and add items to my task manager and keep the calendar items for what gets cleaned when (although it is hidden). I’m hoping that after enough time, these things will begin to help and become habits.
- I’m taking time to play with my daughter even when I “should” be working because I’ve put things off all week and need to get things done by Monday.
- I’m trying to get out of the house more in order to work. There are far fewer distractions and TVs out there. But there are few comfortable seats and most places cost money (even a few dollars for a coffee every day adds up).
I really hope I get better at this. And soon! I don’t see myself recovering from depression and getting back to a “normal” life. So, it would help if my coping skills improved a bit.